Here’s where you can find the answers to questions people ask me. Below, you can find the answers to questions about me personally, my views on publishing and the writing process, and my thoughts on many of my specific books.

Questions About Me, Me, Me

Will you sign one of your books for me?

Certainly! But rather than send me the book itself, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the address below, and I’ll send you a signed bookplate.

Brent Hartinger
PO Box 30542
Seattle WA 98113-0542

Be sure and include a note telling me which of my books you want a bookplate for, and who I should sign it to.

What’s your favorite food?

Vietnamese spring rolls (fresh rolled, not deep-fried). In fact, I’m a fan of most Asian food–bulgogi, pho, sushi, and anything with tofu and veggies. I’m definitely not a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy.

Where do you live?

I live in Seattle, right near Greenlake, but I once lived in Los Angeles (for a year and a half, to pursue screenwriting).

Do you do appearances and give speeches — and what do you charge?

Yes. I’ve given dozens of speeches and keynote addresses, and held hundreds of workshops and readings and seminars and classes. I’ve spoken to groups as large as a thousand and as small as, well, one (it happens to every author: only one person shows up to a reading. Awkward!).

Interested in having me talk to your classroom or group? I charge $750/day or $500/event for local events (Puget Sound area) and $1500/day (plus expenses) for “away” ones.

I can talk on a variety of topics, both serious and more “fun,” and (ahem) I think I’m pretty good at keeping an audience’s attention, whether they’re teenagers or older folks.

Contact me for references or details.

Would you volunteer to speak at my charity for free or for a reduced fee, or donate copy of your book?

Possibly. Send me an email pitching me your event and describing your financial need.

Regarding book donations, I can’t donate copies to individual organizations, but I am more than happy to donate a copy or two as a prize for a raffle or silent auction in any fundraisers your program may be having. That way, you get a way to make a little money, and I get a little publicity for my book, and everyone (including my checkbook) is happy.

What books did you read as a kid?

I wasn’t a huge reader until college, but I did read some as a kid. My favorite books were (in age-ascending order): The Great Brain books by John D. Fitzgerald; Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl; The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster; The Mad Scientists’ Club by Bertrand Brinley; The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis; The Neverending Story and Momo by Michael Ende; Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea and Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne; The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien; and The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant by Stephen R. Donaldson.

What are some of your favorite teen books today?

Teen and middle grade books I like a lot include the first two books in The Hunger Games trilogy (but not the third, which I thought kinda sucked); The Giver by Lois Lowry; Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George; Airborn (and the sequels) by Kenneth Oppel; The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud, and Feed by M.T. Anderson.

Gay teen books I like a lot lately include The Vast Fields of Ordinary by Nick Burd, Ash by Malinda Lo, and Leave Myself Behind by Bart Yates.

I’d love to tell you the young adult books I hate — some of which are very popular and/or critically acclaimed — but I’m afraid I’d get into trouble. It seems kind of tacky anyway.

What are your favorite “adult” authors?

Far too many to mention, but books I like a lot lately include Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt; About a Boy by Nick Hornby; The Deptford Trilogy by Robertson Davies; World War Z by Max Brooks; Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur S. Golden; Hyperion (and all the sequels) by Dan Simmons; The Name of the Wind by Matthew Rothfuss (but not the sequel); and A Game of Thrones (but only the first two sequels) by George R. R. Martin.

And yes, I think people who criticize Dan Brown for writing short chapters and the like have completely missed the point of his books, which I did enjoy.

What are you favorite movies?

Here they are: (1) the first two Star Wars movies, because they made my childhood so much damn fun; (2) Harold and Maude, because I agree with everything it says, and because it has the guts to end the right way; (3) Ordinary People, because I’d never related to any character the way I related to Conrad (still haven’t); (4) Aliens, because it knows how to give a character a dramatic need, and it knows how to tell a great story; (5) two Woody Allen movies that I’m counting as one choice: Zelig (which is one of the cleverest movies ever made) and The Purple Rose of Cairo (which is both delightful and heartbreaking, and shares my philosophy of life); (6) all three Lord of the Rings movies, because they’re even better than the books; (7) Casablanca, because it’s just as good as they say; (8) Brokeback Mountain, because I still get chocked up just thinking about it; (9) The Silence of the Lambs, because it has two of the greatest characters ever written revealed by two of the greatest performances ever filmed; and (10) The Planet of the Apes, because it’s so much better than people think, and because it has the best ending of all time.

How much email do you get? Do you answer it all?

A lot — at least twenty “fan” emails a week. And yes, I answer it all … eventually.

When I was a struggling writer, I was often disappointed by the many writers who seemed to indifferent when I wrote and told them their books somehow moved or excited me (exception: Piers Anthony!). So I long ago vowed to always be accessible to readers — answering all questions or responding to all comments. Are you kidding? Someone wants to tell me how my book moved them? How could that ever get old?

There’s just something about a book, even more than movie or TV show, where people make a very personal connection. Readers feel that they know my characters personally and intimately, and that, correspondingly, they know me. And in a very real way, they do

Do you get “hate” email?

Yes, but not as much as you might think. Sometimes I get emails from people disagreeing with my “lifestyle.” If the emails are thoughtful and not too insulting, I’ll respond in the interest of starting a dialogue. But sometimes the emails are just hate-filled rantings, quoting Leviticus and condemning me to hell (or threatening violence — real Christian, huh?).

By the way, if you’re thinking about sending me hate email, please keep in mind that I will immediately block your email address, so all those future emails you continually send me in an effort to save my soul? I won’t even see them. I’ll also report you to your ISP, almost certainly getting your account cancelled.

What’s the secret of a long-term relationship?

I’ve been with my partner Michael for almost twenty years now, and I’ve learned a few things.

First, pick the right partner — someone you really respect and who you really dig, and who respects and really digs you. You can’t make anybody love you, and it’ll kill your self-esteem in the long-run if you end up with someone who isn’t a total fan.

Pay attention to your fights. Relationships are work, true, but they shouldn’t be that much work; ninety-five percent of the time, it should be fun. Also, fight fair. Realize that when you’re punishing him for something you think he did, you’re also punishing yourself, so why bother? Be truthful when you can, but remember that kindness is more important than honesty. Ignore that really stupid advice about never going to bed angry and don’t hesitate to give him and yourself time to cool off.

Make promises and commitments, if only to get the parents off your back, but don’t get bogged down by them. To make a relationship last, it has to be because you want it to last day by day, not because of some stupid, naive promise from twenty years ago (in fact, I think unbreakable commitments often work against a healthy relationship, because then there’s less incentive for you not to be a jerk!). That said, promises do matter, and a shared history means something too, so you owe the other person your very best effort to work it out.

Finally, ignore all advice about long-term relationships. Ultimately, only you know what works and is right for you. Who cares what others think?

Do you have any other life-advice?

Don’t make fun of your older brother if he starts to lose his hair. Four years later, the same thing could happen to you.

Questions About the Russel Middlebrook Series

Is Russel Middlebrook you?

Fiction writers are never supposed to admit that their characters are autobiographical, and it’s true that Russel isn’t me exactly. But he thinks like me, acts like me, and looks like me (or at least he looks like I looked in high school). I tried hard to make Russel likeable, which basically means he has all of my good qualities and none of my bad ones.

He’s definitely not me — I think of him as “real,” and also outside myself.  But I’d like to think if you like Russel, you’d probably like me. But if you don’t like Russel, I’m positive you wouldn’t like me (and I probably wouldn’t like you!).

Did the things in these books really happen to you?

A lot of them did, but not in the same order or at the same time as in the book.

But there’s one big difference between my life and the events in my book. I never told anyone I was gay until I was in college. Back when I was in high school (in the 1980s), it just wasn’t an option to be out, at least not in the town where I grew up.

What books influenced or inspired you to write the first book, Geography Club?

Ironically, it was a lack of books that inspired me. At the time I was writing it, most “gay ” novels, and especially the few existing gay young adult books, were just so mediocre (with a few exceptions). I was certain I could do better.

But my first gay young adult book, which I wrote back in 1989, was rejected by every publisher in the known universe (even after winning a whole slew of awards). I was told time and again that there just wasn’t any market for a book about gay teenagers, no matter how good it was. So I honestly never expected Geography Club to sell, even though my agent was convinced that times had changed. (My agent was right; since we sold the book in 2001, lots of good GLBT teen books have been published. Here’s a great blog that keeps track done by a friend of mine, Lee Wind.)

Believe it or not, I was also influenced by ancient mythology, which I love. I always saw Russel’s journey as epic. I think of him as a classic hero who, like Odysseus and so many other Greek and Norse champions, must experience being both prince and outcast before he can claim his rightful “crown” of true belonging.

Why did you make it about ethics?

I also knew right from the beginning that I wanted the book to say something about what I think it means to be a person of integrity. I completely agree with the Catholics and the Mormons and the Christian fundamentalists when they say homosexuality is a moral issue. But I think their take on being gay just could not be more wrong.

Being true to yourself regardless of the personal cost seems to me to be the very essence of integrity, and it baffles and depresses me that so many people cannot see this simple truth.

In fact, I think that heartlessly or sanctimoniously demanding or encouraging another human being to spend his or her whole life without love, companionship, and yes, sex — well, that’s downright evil.

Why did you write sequels to Geography Club?

To tell the truth, I just always assumed I would. Right before Geography Club came out in 2003, I mentioned this to my editor. He sort of smiled and said, “Well, let’s wait and see how Geography Club does, okay?” I guess I didn’t know that publishers only publish sequels to successful books. Or maybe, when it finally sold, I just knew in my gut that Geography Club would be a hit.

Why aren’t the sequels a continuation of the events in Geography Club?

Because that story has already been told (and finished!). If it wasn’t already in that book, it didn’t need to be said.

Here’s my take on writing sequels: Everyone thinks they want to read more of the first book’s story, but when most people do read a sequel that’s just more of the same, they usually end up feeling disappointed. I think what people really want from sequels is to once again feel the way the first book made them feel. But to keep the new book from seeming repetitive or redundant, I felt I needed a new setting, new secondary characters, new themes, new challenges for Russel and his friends, and unexpected new twists.

That said, I’m definitely returning to the Kevin and Russel relationship in future sequels. The next book, The Elephant of Surprise, will be out in mid-2012.

Why is The Order of the Poison Oak steamier than Geography Club?

Well, it is summer camp, so some skinny-dipping seemed required. As for the rest of it, Russel is getting a little older, a little more sophisticated, and I wanted to explore his maturation (and temptations) a little bit. Plus, I wanted to touch briefly upon the notion of safer sex (which you can read more about in the Being Gay section of this website). It all seemed very appropriate to the story.

That said, there’s nothing too explicit in the book, nothing that a typical teenager hasn’t heard before, and nothing that a reasonably open-minded straight person would find offensive or objectionable.

What’s the song that Otto sings around the campfire in The Order of the Poison Oak?

Well, it was going to be “Landslide” by Stevie Nicks, but she wouldn’t give us the rights to reprint the lyrics. So then it was going to be “I Believe in Love” by the Dixie Chicks (this is the song in some early versions of the book). Things were all set to go, but at the last minute, there was a legal problem, and it turned out we couldn’t use those lyrics either. So I sat down and wrote a song myself, called “Is It Okay if I Need You Tonight?”

Frankly, I’m really glad the book ended up with this song. I think the new song (which, in the book, Otto wrote) tells us a lot more about Otto than either of the other two songs did.

How can I hear the complete song?

Drop me an email, and I’ll send you the music.

Is the Rainbow Crow story real?

Did it really happen? Well, I can’t say for sure, but I can say that it’s definitely a real Native American legend. I found it in a book called The Grandfathers Speak: Native American Folk Tales of the Lenape People by Hitakonanu’laxk. I wish I could say I wrote it, because I think it’s a beautiful, very moving story. But I didn’t. (I did write the part that Russel adds later, about The Order of the Poison Oak.)

Oh, and the novel about the American frontier that Russel says is where he heard the story? That’s my partner Michael Jensen’s novel, Firelands.

Sadly, quite a few times. Apparently, there is a group of people who not only wants to decide what their kids are reading, they also want to decide what everyone else’s kids read too. In all the challenges that I know of, these people have not been successful in getting my book removed from school or public libraries, mostly because courageous librarians took a stand. But I’m sure there are lots of cases that I never hear about where the self-appointed censors won, and the book was removed (and burned?); and I know there are many many other cases where the librarian was too afraid to buy my book in the first place.

For the record, never say to a writer, “Wow, a book challenge! That must be good publicity!” You really have to hate or fear a book to want it removed from a library, and it feels horrible to be the object of that hate. Intellectually, you know it’s not about your book at all, it’s about their agenda. But there is a frustration on the part of all the writers I know who have been challenged, an eagerness to engage in some kind of “good faith” dialogue that is simply not possible with most of the folks on the other side.

Finally, to anyone reading this who is thinking about challenging my books: if it offends you and your religion, fine, I’ll respect that. But you need to respect me and my supporters too. In the past two years, I’ve received over a thousand emails and letters from teenagers and adults thrilled that my books have found a place in the world. In some cases — and I am so not trying to brag, because it’s really not about my book at all — it seems to have even kept kids from killing themselves.

Will there be a Geography Club movie?

I think so. The rights, which had previously been optioned by a production company, have now officially been “purchased” by the producers (in July 2010), and the movie itself is in active development.

I also wrote a play based on Geography Club. We premiered at Seattle’s FringeACT Festival of New Plays, and it was a big success (thanks, in part, to a terrific cast!). Now my play agent is shopping it around forfull productions, so look for it soon on a (stage) theatre near you! (If you’re involved with a theater and want a copy of the script, contact me.)

Questions About Shadow Walkers

Have you ever done astral projection?

Sort of. While researching this book, I went through a period of intense (for me) meditation: at least twenty minutes a day for three months.

At the end of that time, I definitely seemed to be closer to some kind of “spirit” world. While I never quite managed to separate my spirit form from my physical one, it did start to very much seem like I could “see” and “hear” into some kind of spirit world: while very relaxed, I once saw a “gate” (very much like in the book), and there were a number of times when I could hear voices from far, far away, or perhaps from the past (again, very much like in the book). Both experiences were as vivid to me as “reality,” but neither freaked me out like you’d think they would (once again, as in the book).

Were these experiences “real” or just a subjective experience of the mind? I have no idea (although everything I’ve read leads me to suspect it might be the latter).

Why did you write the book?

The inspiration was actually some of the criticism I received over Geography Club about the fact that two of the gay characters first meet online. This is, of course, an extremely common way for gay teenagers to meet each other, but some people accused me of glossing over the dangers of online meet-ups (I don’t think I did), or argued that I was encouraging people to make such meet-ups.

At a lecture once, I was trying to explain all this, and my attitude about the internet, which I see as being this big, complicated thing that is incredibly helpful on one hand, but can be incredibly dangerous on the other hand. “The internet is this vast expanse of knowledge and wonder,” I told my audience. “There is both great beauty there, and great danger, and it’s really important to teach kids the difference. The internet is like … the astral dimension, almost.”

It was right then that I thought, “Hey, the astral dimension could be a great metaphor for the internet in a book.” Which is why Zach is so cyber-connected at the beginning of the book, why he’s initially drawn to the astral dimension when his computer is taken away, and why so often the whole realm reminds of him of the cyber-world.

Honestly, I actually believe the astral dimension and the internet are very closely related!

It’s an unusual story for gay teen characters. Why did you make them gay?

I’ve thought for a decade or so that we’re long past the time for books that are “about” being gay. One of things I tried to do in Geography Club (which was basically written in 1999, even though it didn’t come out until early 2003) was make it more than an “issue” book, or at least make the “issue” broader than just the “gay” experience; it was also important to me to get away from all the doom-and-gloom of so many of the other gay stories at the time. That story is serious at times, but I’d like to think that Russel has a pretty good sense of humor, and that that’s what you remember.

Anyway, with Shadow Walkers, I wanted to write an outright supernatural thriller that involved gay teens as leading characters, because that seemed like something fresh and different. I’d like to think their being gay informs the story, but it doesn’t define it.

Um, what’s this about astral sex?

Yeah, that was a fun scene to write. I mean, if you’re going to write about the astral dimension, write about the astral dimension — including the stuff that people really want to read!

But I don’t see what Zach and Emory do as “sex” exactly. (In a way, it’s more intimate than sex.)

Questions About The Last Chance Texaco

Is it true you worked in a group home?

Yup, but only for about four months (back in 1989). It was one of the most interesting experiences of my life.

How “true-to-life” is the group home portrayed in The Last Chance Texaco?

Keep in mind that there is no “one” kind of group home — they’re as different as the people who live in them. But Kindle Home is pretty true to the group home I worked in. Lucy, my main character, says that dinnertime is like dusk on the African savannah — “it’s when everything happens.” That was definitely true. And there was always plenty of eavesdropping and intrigue, blackmail and backstabbing. Unfortunately, there were also “meltdowns” and budget-cuts and drug addictions and prejudice from the neighbors and the kids at school.

Did the events of the book happen to you while you were a counselor?

Some did. Just as in the book, we had a kid who seemed to know everything about everyone else (and who even somehow found a way to get into a locked cabinet inside a locked office!). And also as in the book, someone was setting the neighborhood cars on fire.

My group home really was a “last chance” group home — the last stop before being shipped off to a high-security island detention facility. The kids were desperately afraid of being sent to that island. And years later, it was revealed that kids were being sexually abused at that detention facility, and it was a huge scandal. So the kids definitely knew something that we adults did not. But I was like Leon, in that I always wanted every kid to have another “last” chance.

What about the characters? Are they based on the kids you worked with?

The characters themselves are all my own invention. Lucy is a composite of a lot of the kids I worked with. But mostly I think she’s the kid I would have been if I’d grown up in a group home like Kindle Home.

And the counselors? The Last Chance Texaco counselors all seem to have very different approaches to their job.

In the house I worked in, the counselors were all wonderfully weird, and all very, very different from each other. Every one of them had some really interesting story as to how they’d ended up working in that group home. Well, except for me. I just needed a job.

(Sad truth: writers are often the least interesting people in any room. That said, we appreciate “interesting” when we see it!)

Who’s your favorite counselor?

Personally, I like Leon, but I really, really respect Mrs. Morgan.

Isn’t there a Ricky Lee Jones song called “The Last Chance Texaco”?

Yes, and it’s a great song, but it has nothing to do with my book.

Being a guy, was it hard to write a main character who’s a girl?

That kind of thing is a little weird at first, but now it’s one of the things I most like about writing fiction: getting a chance to imagine the world from someone else’s point-of-view. Of course, it remains to be seen if people think I wrote a convincing female character. (Maybe it helps that, partly due to circumstances, Lucy is a pretty “masculine” character. In fact, she may be more butch than I am!)

What was the best part and worst part of working in a group home?

The best part was the same as worst part. It was the fact that we really did become a kind of family. It proved to me once and for all that “family” isn’t anything about blood — it’s just any group of people who live together and love each other. But what made it sad was the fact that we were the first real family some of these kids had ever had. And just like with Lucy, circumstances were constantly working to tear our little family apart. In fact, my group home closed down while I was working there, and all the kids had to separate and be sent all over the state. The real-life ending wasn’t nearly as happy as the one in the book.

At what point did you know that a group home was a good setting for a book?

Within five minutes of walking through the door. No, really! There was so much drama, and everyone was so interesting and so complicated — not like the people from my boring, white-bread upbringing. Besides, who doesn’t love an underdog?  And man, nobody is more of an underdog than the kids in group homes. Everything is against them.

A lot like gay teens, in fact. Hey, there’s a reoccurring theme in my work!

Why did you write the book?

I knew a group home would make a great setting for a book, but I resisted writing it for years. The kids had already been abused and exploited so much, I didn’t want to “profit” from their misery. But one day, while out with some friends, I happened to run into one of my kids. He was just as obnoxious as ever — now a drug addict living on the streets of Seattle.

I tried to explain his background to my friends, the incredible challenges he had had to overcome just to still be alive. But no one was impressed. They just saw the obnoxious street kid.

That’s when I knew I had to write a book telling the story of one of these kids, albeit one from my imagination. Hopefully, it will help people understand what I learned while working in a group home:  that while not everyone starts out at the same place in life, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

Questions About Grand & Humble

Why a mystery?

Well, I received a really good reaction to The Last Chance Texaco, my book about a group home that also had an element of mystery in it.  So I decided why not go all the way, and write a full-fledged mystery?  Of course, Grand & Humble is really more of a psychological mystery, which is another way of saying there are no dead bodies.

The novel has quite a twist at the end!  What was the inspiration for that?

In my opinion, there’s nothing so unsatisfying as an unsatisfying mystery.  I was determined not to disappoint.  I figured teenagers especially would get a big kick out of this particular ending.

For the record, I don’t think writing for teenagers is any great mystery.  I don’t think they’re typically fans of the “quiet” novel with the ambiguous ending.  In an era of media bombardment, it may take more to move or surprise most teenagers, but I think they still hunger for a strong sense of resolution.

I don’t think I “got” the ending. Can you spell it out for me?

The critic from VOYA said the ending is “ambiguous,” which tells me he or she didn’t get it. I tried very, very hard to make it very, very clear (and once you know the ending, you’ll think it’s clear too!). But it does require you think a little bit outside the box. As far as I know, no book or movie has ever ended this way before.

Still confused? Here’s the answer (SPOILER ALERT! Don’t read the following answer if you haven’t read the book!):

Harlan and Manny are the same person, but in alternate timelines or dimensions. Harlan is the person Manny would have been had the car accident at Grand & Humble never happened and had his adoptive parents never been killed. Though the course of the book, they seem to almost interact, but of course they never do, because they can’t!

Get it? Good! Now go read the book again and see all the clues!

Start with the very first paragraph:

“Two faces. Two sides to the same person. That’s what Harlan’s teaching was getting at. It was so obvious, he couldn’t believe everyone else hadn’t seen it right from the start. How could they be so blind?”

The book is the story of two boys, one popular and one a geek.  What was the inspiration for that?

I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of what makes one kid popular, and one kid not.  It’s really not just about looks.  There was one girl in my high school who was not at all conventionally attractive.  But all the guys talked like she was so hot, because she had somehow convinced the whole school that she was hot.  Likewise, there was one kid who, over the summer, lost all this weight and got a new haircut and wardrobe.  He came back that fall a completely different person.  Or did he?  In a few weeks, after the novelty wore off, he was no more popular than he had been before.

Harlan and Manny are polar opposites in so many ways.  And yet, in the ways that matter, they’re very much the same.  I’m not one of those people who believes that all people are the same underneath; I think some people are just plain jerks!  But I do think that how a person “seems,” or looks on the outside, often has nothing to do with who they are on the inside.

Hey, another reoccurring theme in my books!

Which teenager were you?  Grand or humble?

Ha!  Well, I was honestly somewhere between the two.  Like Harlan, I was a swimmer (the most valuable member on the team for four years in a row, I might add!).  But just like Manny, I was also pretty geeky; I was always working on some artsy project with my friends — movies, haunted houses, you name it.

Oh, hell, I guess maybe I was a lot closer to Manny than Harlan!

The novel contains a prominent deaf character.  What made you decide to include her?

As a kid, one of my friends was deaf, and when I was outlining the novel, I thought, “Well, why not?”  But then, of course, her deafness turned out to be quite integral to the plot.  I love it when that happens!

Of course once I decided to include the character, I had to try and get the details right.  So I talked to a number of sources, and had them read drafts of the book. It’s always dicey writing about under-represented minorities; the fewer existing portrayals there are, the more important each one is to the minorities in question.  Again, I tried hard not to disappoint.

 

Questions About Writing and Publishing

I’ve written a book. Can I send it to you to look at?

Unfortunately, no. This is partly for legal reasons, but mostly because I’m just too lazy. I do read manuscript drafts for friends, but it takes a lot of time and energy to read and critique a book well, so if you’re going to ask me to do it, you had better be a very good friend.

How do I get published?

Get an agent. Having a reputable agent means you will be taken much more seriously by busy editors who are eager to find any reason to reject your book (and if you’re agented, editors will offer you more money, more than canceling out the cost of the agent’s commission!).

Having an agent also helps you take yourself more seriously, because you know there’s at least one industry insider who believes in you and your talent enough to spend serious time and money on you.

There are hundreds of good agents out there, with all kinds of different tastes (check The Guide to Literary Agents for a complete list). Getting published well is hard as hell, but getting an agent is relatively easy, at least if you have a marketable, competently-written book.

But a word of warning about agents: there are a million scam-artists out there who pose as agents, and they will try hard to steal your money. Here’s a link to Writer Beware, a really good site that documents all kinds of writing scams. Every aspiring writer should read it.

You might also be interested in this article I wrote for The Purple Crayon .

Who is your agent? 

I happen to have the very best agent in the whole entire world: Jennifer DeChiara. You can contact her if you want, but I really wish you wouldn’t, because I’d rather have her devote all of her time to me.

Incidentally, if you do sign with an agent, make sure your contract has an “out” clause. You should be able to part ways at any time or, at worst, after a three-month waiting period. The agent-client partnership is a business relationship, and most of the power is with the agent; you the writer desperately need the leverage of being able to leave if things aren’t working out. Being stuck with a bad agent really is worse than not having any agent at all.

Is it hard to get published?

Here’s what I did to get published: over the course of fifteen years, I wrote eight novels, twelve plays, fifteen screenplays, and hundreds of short stories; I sent out hundreds of query letters; I moved to both New York and Los Angeles; I attended dozens of writing conferences and at least fifteen playwriting festivals; I met with and sucked up to at least a hundred different editors, agents or producers; I went through six agents; and I joined and attended eight different critique groups.

Yes, it’s hard to get published.

Why is it so hard to get published?

Because everyone wants to be a writer, and thanks to word processors, it’s easier than ever to try. At the same time, people are buying and reading fewer and fewer books. See the problem? And to make things even worse, the world of publishing has become much more corporate, just like Hollywood — much less about the quality of the books and much more about quarterly profits and “sure-fire” hits (now you know why so many celebrities are getting book deals and you’re not!).

Publishers are now very very reluctant to take risks, especially on unknown, unproven, or unconventional authors. In such a conservative business climate, publishing is more than ever about who you know (which is why it’s so important to have a good, well-connected agent!).

All that said, it’s not completely hopeless. Everyone is writing a book, true, but most of them are awful — not serious competition for the legitimate writer.

And it might encourage you to know that when my partner Michael Jensen and I both set out to be novelists, we didn’t know anyone at all (and we didn’t know anything about the world of publishing). Fifteen years later, we’ve both sold multiple books to major publishers and made hundreds of thousands of dollars. From our point-of-view, that’s a one hundred percent success rate!

Should I e-publish or go POD?

Well, e-publishing is changing everything. I’ve had great success with it myself re-publishing some of my older titles, and a couple of new ones.

Then again, I already had “fans” and something of a writing reputation — not to mention lots of P.R. contacts (and an understanding of how publicity works) from my years as a journalist.

If you’re unpublished, and you think just putting your book up on Amazon is going to sell you thousands of copies, you’re probably going to be very disappointed — and you may find that traditional publishers will view the book as “tainted” as a failure if you subsequently try to sell it elsewhere.

For the record, it’s hard to get people to shell out their hard-earned money on a book. And why would anyone buy your unknown POD or e-book when the bookstores, real and online, are full of books that got rave reviews from the New York Times? Many of these older titles now cost $1.99 too.

If you’re pitching your book to agents and editors and they’re not biting, it’s possible that you’re an unheralded genius who is way ahead of his or her time. But a far more likely explanation is that you’re not yet writing at a professional level, but you’re not objective enough to see it. I wrote eight novels before I finally sold one to a publisher, and while I thought they were fantastic then, now I can see that they all really suck. (But it wasn’t wasted time: writing all of them finally taught me how to write well!)

And can I just say? I’ve read dozens of self-published novels as a reviewer, and I think I’ve only ever read a single one that I thought even approached being professionally written.

One final word. I think self-publishing really underestimates the importance of the editor in the publishing process. Simply put, I am a professional writer, but my first drafts are lousy. So are some of my second and third drafts. Every book needs a editor — an impartial professional whose job it is to tell you the harsh truth, who shames you into making necessary changes you don’t want to make, and who, by doing so, makes a promising manuscript publication-worthy.

How do I sell my screenplay for a million dollars?

Good question. If you find out, let me know.

A note about the world of screenwriting: don’t believe a word anyone says. No matter what they tell you, it’s all hot air and lies. The only thing that’s real is the check (and sometimes checks bounce!). I’m absolutely serious about this.

How do I get people to buy my book?

Here is the secret to selling lots of books: word-of-mouth. A few big-name authors rely on advertising and appearances on Good Morning America. The rest of us rely on critics, booksellers, and readers to read our books, then recommend them to their readers, customers, and friends. It’s that simple. If you have a book most people really like, it will most likely find its audience.

But that doesn’t mean book promotion is worthless, because you have to reach a certain level of visibility and distribution for word-of-mouth to make any difference.

As far as book promotion goes, I think a web presence is the single most important thing. The second most important thing is face-to-face contact. Get out there and do readings, talk to civic groups, meet booksellers. Once people actually meet you (and assuming you’re not a jerk, which some writers are), you will have fans for life. You’re not a people person? Get over it, or consider another career. With the market so tight these days, it’s just that important.
Here are two in-depth interviews I did on promoting one’s books. It’s everything I know!

How much money do you make?

Something you need to know about writers: we’ll tell you the most intimate details of our lives (often cleverly disguised as “fiction”), but we NEVER let on how much money we make. When I was an unpublished writer, this used to drive me crazy. But now that I’m on the inside looking out, it suddenly makes a lot more sense. Let’s just say that I write fiction full-time, and I make a nice living, okay?

But since I won’t answer this question, I will substitute an answer to a question that’s just as personal: briefs.

What’s the worst part of being a writer?

The worst part is definitely the rejection, which is unrelenting. Until you’re successful, everyone seems so eager to reject you. (On the other hand, once you are successful, you can suddenly do no wrong!)

The second worst part of writing is the waiting. Every decision takes at least three times longer than they say it will (I’ve never seen a decision about anything reached quickly). And once a project is finally accepted by a publisher or producer, it takes at least a year — sometimes two or three! — before it actually sees the light of day.

What’s the best part of being a writer?

Having people say they liked or were somehow touched by your work. It just never gets old.

It’s also nice to imagine that all my rivals and enemies from over the years are green with envy over my success.

What are the most common mistakes new writers make?

I am intimately familiar with the mistakes new writers make, because I made every single one.

I think the single biggest mistake is not outlining or somehow structuring a book beforehand. New writers often just sit down at a computer and begin writing. Most say they like the spontaneity of this, that they want to be “surprised” by what the characters do and “discover” what happens to them. Unfortunately, the writer usually ends up with a meandering, confused mess of a book with no clear theme.

Some people can structure a book intuitively, but most people can’t.

Incidentally, I really used to resist outlining. Now I know that “outlining” is just a word that means, “Somehow consider your overall story. Think about how everything ties together.” Character and beautiful language are important, but story is what keeps readers turning the pages.

But story is all about structure, and structure almost never just “happens.” If this is news to you, read one of the many books on dramatic structure. Better still, write a play — and get it performed in front of a live audience. There’s nothing quite like sitting in a darkened theater while you lose the audience to yet another unnecessary monologue to convince you of the importance of “story.” (Been there, done that!)

I’m shocked by the number of writers I meet who have never been exposed to even the most basic elements of plotting — even writers from prestigious writing programs.

I believe writers are free to break any rule they want, but with plot and structure, it’s just like they say about grammar: before you break the rules, you need to know exactly what they are. Some award committees don’t seem to care about plot or story (WTF?), but most readers will.

A second big mistake new writers make is picking a vaguely defined, hard-to-describe, or done-to-death idea for a book. These days, before you can sell your book, you first need to sell people on the idea of your book; agents, editors, and marketing types all need to be convinced that your book will make them money.

And if a publisher does buy your book, you and they will then need to sell it to fickle, disinterested media people, most of whom can’t be bothered to read your magnum opus. If you really want to sell your book to a publisher, and if after it’s published you want people to buy the damn thing, your life is made much easier by picking an idea with both pizzazz and a killer hook — something that really sets your book apart from all others. (And by the way, the world already has too many books featuring child-wizards, vampires, or talking mice! Lately, there’s too much dystopian stuff too, IMHO.)

Incidentally, plenty of established writers make the above-mentioned two mistakes too. The difference is, they have devoted fans who will buy whatever they write. Plus, they already have book contracts.

Do you have any other advice for writers?

Be prepared for the fact that you’ll hear “no” a lot more than you’ll hear “yes” (the ratio is approximately 1000 “nos” for every 1 “yes”!). The stories you hear about overnight sensations are exceptions to the rule. Most writers struggle in obscurity for years, with little or no acclaim or financial reward. Some eventually break out, but the vast majority do not (I think it’s interesting that I have a lot of very bitter writer-friends, but that none of my doctor or lawyer friends are bitter!).

If you choose to devote your life to writing, accept the possibility that you might never make a living from it, even if you’re very talented. It’s a big, cold world out there, and no one “owes” you anything, especially a career as an artist.

That said, if you must write, then write. But first, learn the craft. Make it dramatic and get to the point. Avoid lots of description and boring talk, focus on your story and on the action (all writers should do this, but it’s particularly important when writing for teenagers and kids). Avoid current events and slang, which are constantly changing and which will make your book seem dated by the time it’s published in 2-3 years (often I make up my own slang — “docious!” “that heaps” — but I try very hard to make it sound “real”).

Finally, don’t get discouraged. Because good writing is personal, it’s hard not to take rejections personally. But being a sane writer means having an ego of granite with a Teflon coating. And being a successful writer means being very, very, very, very persistent.